Friday, 23 August 2013

Up and down, front to back

It has been a topsy turvy week. Nothing seemed right in the beginning but in the end it turned up to be quite well handled. Let me start from the beginning...

1. Farewell dear one..

Subconciously I packed all my things the morning before I will board my bus to Seremban. I hate the atmosphere that day. It seemed so cold, so silent. I had been wandering about the house without anything to do except watching television. It had always been like this whenever it's time for me to come back to Seremban. As I packed I pondered - all the things that had happened the previous week. When the news came, my happy mood seemed to had flushed down the toilet. I felt like I don't want to talk to anybody. But eventhough I made the mistake that I had done, my parents still care for my wellbeing. They made sure that I had enough things to be brought back to Seremban with me - food, clothing, money. I reasoned to my self again and again. What's done is done. Make sure that in the future, you can make them happy.

After the Maghrib prayer, I rechecked that I had packed everything and prepared myself for the bus trip to Seremban. As I looked into the mirror, I noticed the clothes that I was wearing and compared it to the ones that I had worn before when I need to come back to Seremban. Brown. My attire will always have a hint of brown. Is this my farewell gesture - to the loved ones that I will miss? Probably.

We talked little when waiting for the bus to take me to Seremban arrive. But the words that came out from my parents' mouths are precious pearls and gems - treasures that I need to keep that if I lost those treasures, I will be lost in the sea called life. I kept them in my heart - for the treasures are not ordinary treasures, they are given to me with love.

The bus arrived. I quickly salam and hugged my dad, my mum and my little sister. I held back my words that I had been constructing in my head - for if those words were said, my tears will fall. Before the bus departed I took my seat, inhaled deep breaths as tears fall slowly from my closed eyes. I dozed off as the bus drove off.

2. The weather is too, understanding.

It seemed like a normal class session. The teacher came in and we all greeted her then recited the doa. It was normal, until the teacher turned her back from us. I could see that she was wiping the tears the fell from her eyes. Tears started to well in my eyes. I felt down. Thoughts came into my mind - will she be okay? - she must be disappointed in us - what should we say? - what should we do? - what should I do?

The circle of friends - and teacher - was formed. It was silent for the first few minutes as all of us waited for the teacher to calm down. While in that moment, the well of tear in my eyes can no longer withstand - and tears came rolling down my cheeks one by one. Most of the girls could be seen holding a tissue - preparing themselves for the upcoming emotional breakdown. As for me, I was holding my handkerchief.

The teacher started to explain the situation - everything she said seemed to stab my heart - that made my small roll of tears became a stream. It got worse when she called out my name - I can sense in her voice a little disappointment, loss of hope. That made the stream turned into a waterfall.

Long story short, we all didn't know where and when we went wrong. As I said - the weather is too, understanding - as it was raining outside on that day - on that particular time.

I know that this is a long entry as it has been a while since I posted. Just wanted to share what I had gone through. In the end, my days were bright and sunny as I accepted that we can't be always looking at the past when the future awaits us. Just have the strongest faith in Allah and his plans for you - because he knows what is the best. Always line up your days with doa, and start it of with a good intention.

Fatin Nizam

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