Dusting off the cobwebs in my blog

It has been a looooooooooooooooooooooong time since I have updated this blog with something, anything. It seems that I have nothing much to say in the past few months. Apparently..

Therefore I am here to give an update on my situation now.

Alhamdulillah, many thanks to Allah S.W.T. because He had given me the chance to pursue my studies in the land of my dreams, the UK, in my furious attempt to realise my dream to be a teacher. I really can't express how much I am thankful for this one in a lifetime opportunity therefore it really do reflects in my du'a.

Currently, I have missed a week of class, therefore, there is a lot to catch up, and my head is starting to fill with a lot of information in which I still don't know where to start. Still am trying to calm myself down, so that I can digest all the information properly.

Well, basically that is all that I can say about my education, as I will officially start my class tomorrow, 2.00 p.m. local time. As for the city of Bristol, very calming. It is not as hectic as the big city but there is still some attraction ready to be explored by me. I will try to find the time to explore all of Bristol's attraction and will be posting a lot of pictures regarding that - In sha Allah...

Temperature. Cold but bearable. I can go out without the thick jacket for the autumn as it is still not the bone-chilling cold air outside. However, it still need a little moment of adapting to the surrounding of not seeing a lot of Malaysian people walking about. Haha.

Will be posting more whenever I have the time.

Sincerely,
Fatin Nizam

A tearful celebration.

7th March 2014. Just a normal Friday except for the fact that we planned to celebrate Ms Nina's birthday (though belated). The surprise plan was simple. Ask her to come to watch a video of Barack Obama's speech which had been told prior to her that it was 'useful' for our lesson (it was actually. But I only focused on the content of the speech and not the L+S) The two minute speech was then followed by a video made by the wonderful Arifah Daud and Raihan Syamimi - very simple but deeply touching. I would say that if my heart is as deep as the deepest trench in the see, they touched the bottom, they really do.

Everybody shed tears - me as being the one who is really sensitive to these kinds of things. Really. I have never been to a party where people will shed tears. Moreover it was due to the fact that the song that was being played was 'You Raise Me Up'. All in all, it was a very memorable day. Thank you Ms Nina, for inspiring us as a teacher and a mother. Happy Belated Birthday.

Dearest Ms Lovely

Dearest Ms Lovely

with smile so fine

you're like an angel

leading me to the light

drowned in despair as I was before

you lifted me up

till I breathe once more.

Dearest Ms Lovely

with eyes all glitter

your lips still smile

though the world all bitter

your laughter chimes

through the challenges

still echoes in my days

still rings in my ears.

Be like the sun

dearest Ms Lovely

it still shines in the sy

though on Earth it rains.

Sincerely,

Fatin Nizam

No man is an island...

                This is an entry that I had been planning to write a few days before but haven't had the oppurtunity to. So, no man is an island. This is an idiom that I learned in class last week - and it is quite close related to me so I decided to use it as a title. This is quite a lengthy entry, so bear with me.

                Why do I choose this idiom?

                Being in college - or anywhere for that matters - you would always want to have company, to talk to, to laugh with, to cheer you on, to be the shoulder for you to cry on, to be the one whom you pour your heart out, or just to be there with you through your hardships in life. It's not that I'm saying that you have to always depend on other people. But with the other people in your life, they help you to design your life's canvas, so that it would be more colourful. The more people you have to help you in your life, the bigger the canvas that you need, and more colours will appear on it.

                My family will always be there for me. Cheering me on. Correcting my mistakes in life. The ones that know me, as me. And will accept me for who I am. My charismatic dad, always silent but full of words of the wise men, never reluctant to give me money or buy me anything. My lovable mom, so sweet and demure, never tired to remind me of the goals that I want to and need to achieve in life, taught me how to cook and become a daughter. My little brother, who can always double as my best friend, always have some sarcastic remark that he have to say about me, but can always triple himself to behave like an older brother, looking and acting more mature than I am. My little sister, with her always bubly character and constant talking in regards to a K-Pop Idol group - which currently it is EXO - will always be the first one to say that she misses me (though not directly) when she constantly asked of the time I will be home and for how long whenever we were on the phone. This is the family that I loved and will always will be in my heart, I miss you all so much. (My eyes are a little teary when I wrote this. Dismiss the spelling and grammatical errors)

                As for friends, there are a lot, so I will speak of only a few that are close to me. During high school - before the boarding school period - I mingled with the wrong clique, I think. The not-a-gossip girl me mingled with the ones that are always up to date with the school's latest gossip - this senior is dating this junior, this couple had just broke up, these groups get into a gang fight because of this one girl, everything, in which I could just ignore. I lost track of all the nicknames they gave to the people they are talking about (rolls eyes). In MRSM Pengkalan Chepa, I did not mingle in just a group and stick to it, in fact I tried to mingle with everyone. Therefore I was blessed with a set of friends that I could depend on - studied together, have fun together, and even got into trouble together. Good times.

                Upon continuing my studies in KMS, I found another set of friends in which I can really rely to when I am in need of something - in which this set of friends are closer to me than ever. Dieba, the mature looking Pakistani-Malay-Arab mix girl is the closest to me - dearest roomate, BFF, tutor, fellow K-drama and Running Man addict, err, hmm, there is more (thinking)... With her sometimes mature but most of the times childish personality, she brightens up my days, everyday. I can really rely to her everytime - having problems or not. She's just there whenever I needed her. Just there. And next comes the twins, Farzana and Farwizah. These K-Pop addict sisters are chatterboxes! My time with them will never be a silent one - except when we are focusing on our studies. Whenever I am with them, they always have a story to tell - make that numerous stories. But they are a good friend to tell your problems to. A great companion to have.

                Then comes my quartet of teachers, who taught me (indirectly) on how great it is to be a teacher and to pursue my passion. Each and everyone of them have their own teaching styles and ways to engage themselves with the students. If I am still a young child (make that 6-7 years of age) I would repeatedly say that I want to be a teacher just like them. Though I am still keen on saying that, I would have to say that I would love to be a teacher that can inspire the students and educate them to be a better generation in the near future just like them (because you can just be yourself. different people, different styles. I can't exactly imitate the way they teach in class. Who can?) My colossal gratitute to Ms Nina, Ms Muna, Ms Ririn and Miss Hanim.

                Which brings us back to the title. In life, you can never truly isolate yourself from other people and the outside world. Even Go Dok Mi needs someone else's help to carry out her daily routines - postman, her senior who is also her boss in the editorial company, the milkman who delivers milk every morning - though she really does isolate herself from the outside world. (If you never watched the K-drama Flower Boys Next Door, you will not get what I am trying to say. At least for this paraghraph.) Therefore, you can never really do anything without other people's help.

                End!

The Almighty's Plan is the best

May Peace be upon all of you....

This is my first entry in like... hmm... FOREVER... So here I go..

I will start with the good news from yesterday. Just took IELTS examinations a little less than two weeks ago and the results just came out yesterday. And praise to the Almighty.. I got a band 7.5 - which makes me an eligible candidate to further my studies overseas. I really am blessed for yesterday's result. Now the only thing that becomes a barrier between me and my studies overseas is the A2 examinations - which I may safely say is not easy. Hardwork is needed. Not to mention Allah's blessings..

And today's story. I just went to Kuala Lumpur International Airport this morning - sending of some of me dear seniors that will further their studies in Australia. I felt motivated from watching all of them with all their big bags and waiting for their turn to get into the flight. Group departure is always exciting - in each and everyone's heart the determination to succeed in their studies. Hoping that I will soon follow their footsteps - landing myself in the UK. And with Allah's will, I may..

That is all the story for today. Hoping that I will update more frequently in the future. (Pray That I will do that..This blog is already dusty!)

Sincerely,
Fatin Nizam

Up and down, front to back

It has been a topsy turvy week. Nothing seemed right in the beginning but in the end it turned up to be quite well handled. Let me start from the beginning...

1. Farewell dear one..

Subconciously I packed all my things the morning before I will board my bus to Seremban. I hate the atmosphere that day. It seemed so cold, so silent. I had been wandering about the house without anything to do except watching television. It had always been like this whenever it's time for me to come back to Seremban. As I packed I pondered - all the things that had happened the previous week. When the news came, my happy mood seemed to had flushed down the toilet. I felt like I don't want to talk to anybody. But eventhough I made the mistake that I had done, my parents still care for my wellbeing. They made sure that I had enough things to be brought back to Seremban with me - food, clothing, money. I reasoned to my self again and again. What's done is done. Make sure that in the future, you can make them happy.

After the Maghrib prayer, I rechecked that I had packed everything and prepared myself for the bus trip to Seremban. As I looked into the mirror, I noticed the clothes that I was wearing and compared it to the ones that I had worn before when I need to come back to Seremban. Brown. My attire will always have a hint of brown. Is this my farewell gesture - to the loved ones that I will miss? Probably.

We talked little when waiting for the bus to take me to Seremban arrive. But the words that came out from my parents' mouths are precious pearls and gems - treasures that I need to keep that if I lost those treasures, I will be lost in the sea called life. I kept them in my heart - for the treasures are not ordinary treasures, they are given to me with love.

The bus arrived. I quickly salam and hugged my dad, my mum and my little sister. I held back my words that I had been constructing in my head - for if those words were said, my tears will fall. Before the bus departed I took my seat, inhaled deep breaths as tears fall slowly from my closed eyes. I dozed off as the bus drove off.

2. The weather is too, understanding.

It seemed like a normal class session. The teacher came in and we all greeted her then recited the doa. It was normal, until the teacher turned her back from us. I could see that she was wiping the tears the fell from her eyes. Tears started to well in my eyes. I felt down. Thoughts came into my mind - will she be okay? - she must be disappointed in us - what should we say? - what should we do? - what should I do?

The circle of friends - and teacher - was formed. It was silent for the first few minutes as all of us waited for the teacher to calm down. While in that moment, the well of tear in my eyes can no longer withstand - and tears came rolling down my cheeks one by one. Most of the girls could be seen holding a tissue - preparing themselves for the upcoming emotional breakdown. As for me, I was holding my handkerchief.

The teacher started to explain the situation - everything she said seemed to stab my heart - that made my small roll of tears became a stream. It got worse when she called out my name - I can sense in her voice a little disappointment, loss of hope. That made the stream turned into a waterfall.

Long story short, we all didn't know where and when we went wrong. As I said - the weather is too, understanding - as it was raining outside on that day - on that particular time.

I know that this is a long entry as it has been a while since I posted. Just wanted to share what I had gone through. In the end, my days were bright and sunny as I accepted that we can't be always looking at the past when the future awaits us. Just have the strongest faith in Allah and his plans for you - because he knows what is the best. Always line up your days with doa, and start it of with a good intention.

Sincerely,
Fatin Nizam

Eid Ul-Fitr 2013!

The time has come again! It's already Eid Ul-Fitr after 1 month of fasting. Though it is a merry sight to celebrate Eid, it is sad to leave Ramadan behind us, pondering whether or not we will meet again with this holy month next year. In Sha Allah.

There are some events that are quite saddening that had happened today. One of my cats - Ciko - had passed away this evening. He did not have the chance to see the fajr of Eid this year as the past years he had done. Other than that, hope he is now in heavens! :)

Another event that had happened is that the fish that my mother cooked for our break fast had been eaten by our mischevious cats! Well, the fish was not meant for us I suppose. Now they are lying around the house - belly full because of the fish that they had 'caught' from the kitchen table. T_T

Since tomorrow is Eid, I want to take this oppurtunity to wish to all muslims around the world Happy Eid Ul-Fitr, may this celebration is the best among all as we celebrate after one month of fasting. :)

Sincerely,
Fatin Nizam

Home Sweet Home :)

Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah, I safely arrived at my house yesterday for the Eid Holiday. Thank you Ya Allah for letting me have another chance to celebrate this Eid with my family - In Sha Allah. Without us noticing this, Ramadhan is almost over. Saddening isn't it? Reflecting back on this Ramadhan, I wondered if I have collected enough good deeds? Seems not like it. I might have not grabbed the ultra-special offer in this month. If i am given another chance, hope to see Ramadhan next year.

Compiling everything that I had done for the past few days, I went back to Johore! I know that I have told this in my previous entry but  noticed in the previous one, I didn't talk about my newest cousin, Aufa Irdina! Only two months old but she seemed to have wrapped everyone around her little fingers. She is too cute to be true! I managed to sneak some pictures of her.

The little sleeping beauty.....

A few days before this, the second year of my batch - girls only - held iftar jamie' at the futsal court. It is seriously memorable as we get to eat together. This seriously strengthens the bond between me and my classmates.

Yummy!

I think that this will be all for my entry today. Hope all of you have a good time with your family. :)

Sincerely,

Fatin Nizam