Up and down, front to back

It has been a topsy turvy week. Nothing seemed right in the beginning but in the end it turned up to be quite well handled. Let me start from the beginning...

1. Farewell dear one..

Subconciously I packed all my things the morning before I will board my bus to Seremban. I hate the atmosphere that day. It seemed so cold, so silent. I had been wandering about the house without anything to do except watching television. It had always been like this whenever it's time for me to come back to Seremban. As I packed I pondered - all the things that had happened the previous week. When the news came, my happy mood seemed to had flushed down the toilet. I felt like I don't want to talk to anybody. But eventhough I made the mistake that I had done, my parents still care for my wellbeing. They made sure that I had enough things to be brought back to Seremban with me - food, clothing, money. I reasoned to my self again and again. What's done is done. Make sure that in the future, you can make them happy.

After the Maghrib prayer, I rechecked that I had packed everything and prepared myself for the bus trip to Seremban. As I looked into the mirror, I noticed the clothes that I was wearing and compared it to the ones that I had worn before when I need to come back to Seremban. Brown. My attire will always have a hint of brown. Is this my farewell gesture - to the loved ones that I will miss? Probably.

We talked little when waiting for the bus to take me to Seremban arrive. But the words that came out from my parents' mouths are precious pearls and gems - treasures that I need to keep that if I lost those treasures, I will be lost in the sea called life. I kept them in my heart - for the treasures are not ordinary treasures, they are given to me with love.

The bus arrived. I quickly salam and hugged my dad, my mum and my little sister. I held back my words that I had been constructing in my head - for if those words were said, my tears will fall. Before the bus departed I took my seat, inhaled deep breaths as tears fall slowly from my closed eyes. I dozed off as the bus drove off.

2. The weather is too, understanding.

It seemed like a normal class session. The teacher came in and we all greeted her then recited the doa. It was normal, until the teacher turned her back from us. I could see that she was wiping the tears the fell from her eyes. Tears started to well in my eyes. I felt down. Thoughts came into my mind - will she be okay? - she must be disappointed in us - what should we say? - what should we do? - what should I do?

The circle of friends - and teacher - was formed. It was silent for the first few minutes as all of us waited for the teacher to calm down. While in that moment, the well of tear in my eyes can no longer withstand - and tears came rolling down my cheeks one by one. Most of the girls could be seen holding a tissue - preparing themselves for the upcoming emotional breakdown. As for me, I was holding my handkerchief.

The teacher started to explain the situation - everything she said seemed to stab my heart - that made my small roll of tears became a stream. It got worse when she called out my name - I can sense in her voice a little disappointment, loss of hope. That made the stream turned into a waterfall.

Long story short, we all didn't know where and when we went wrong. As I said - the weather is too, understanding - as it was raining outside on that day - on that particular time.

I know that this is a long entry as it has been a while since I posted. Just wanted to share what I had gone through. In the end, my days were bright and sunny as I accepted that we can't be always looking at the past when the future awaits us. Just have the strongest faith in Allah and his plans for you - because he knows what is the best. Always line up your days with doa, and start it of with a good intention.

Sincerely,
Fatin Nizam

Eid Ul-Fitr 2013!

The time has come again! It's already Eid Ul-Fitr after 1 month of fasting. Though it is a merry sight to celebrate Eid, it is sad to leave Ramadan behind us, pondering whether or not we will meet again with this holy month next year. In Sha Allah.

There are some events that are quite saddening that had happened today. One of my cats - Ciko - had passed away this evening. He did not have the chance to see the fajr of Eid this year as the past years he had done. Other than that, hope he is now in heavens! :)

Another event that had happened is that the fish that my mother cooked for our break fast had been eaten by our mischevious cats! Well, the fish was not meant for us I suppose. Now they are lying around the house - belly full because of the fish that they had 'caught' from the kitchen table. T_T

Since tomorrow is Eid, I want to take this oppurtunity to wish to all muslims around the world Happy Eid Ul-Fitr, may this celebration is the best among all as we celebrate after one month of fasting. :)

Sincerely,
Fatin Nizam

Home Sweet Home :)

Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah, I safely arrived at my house yesterday for the Eid Holiday. Thank you Ya Allah for letting me have another chance to celebrate this Eid with my family - In Sha Allah. Without us noticing this, Ramadhan is almost over. Saddening isn't it? Reflecting back on this Ramadhan, I wondered if I have collected enough good deeds? Seems not like it. I might have not grabbed the ultra-special offer in this month. If i am given another chance, hope to see Ramadhan next year.

Compiling everything that I had done for the past few days, I went back to Johore! I know that I have told this in my previous entry but  noticed in the previous one, I didn't talk about my newest cousin, Aufa Irdina! Only two months old but she seemed to have wrapped everyone around her little fingers. She is too cute to be true! I managed to sneak some pictures of her.

The little sleeping beauty.....

A few days before this, the second year of my batch - girls only - held iftar jamie' at the futsal court. It is seriously memorable as we get to eat together. This seriously strengthens the bond between me and my classmates.

Yummy!

I think that this will be all for my entry today. Hope all of you have a good time with your family. :)

Sincerely,

Fatin Nizam

'Balik Kampung!'

This weekend I had the chance to come back to my grandparents house in Batu Pahat, Johore. Alhamdulillah. Got the chance to meet them before going back to Kelantan next week for Eid holiday since this year I will not be celebrating my Eid in Johore. At least I got the chance to experience some of the fasting month with my family in Johore.

Thinking back about this fasting month, it really flew by very quick. Today is already the 18th day of Ramadhan. And then Eid came. It feels like I didn't do much during this fasting month. But then as they say, you have to work hard to get what you want. There is no easy route to anything in this world. Thus, I need to work hard to Istiqamah in my ibadah, not only for this month. Hope to continue this till the end of my life. In Sha Allah.

Sincerely
Fatin Nizam

The Time Comes Again!!!

It's already Ramadhan!! 2nd Ramadhan to be exact. And I am seriously excited. Well who wouldn't be?

First and foremost I should say Alhamdulillah, Praise to Allah the Almighty that he gave me yet another chance to experience Ramadhan this year in my college with all my friends and teachers. Praise to Him that I am still alive and breathing till this day with my family and friends by my side. Praise to Him that I still get to keep my health to yet experience another Ramadhan and to devote myself to Him.

Now there is always a trend forming during Ramadhan and not during the other 11 months of the year. More people are reciting the Quran and are dedicated to finish all the 30 juz. But just how dedicated are we to finish the 30 jux in the other months of the year? More people are performing the sunnah prayers and are willing to wake up to perform tahajjud in search of the lailatul qadar. But just how devoted are we to do the same if it is nor during Ramadhan? During Ramadhan the saf in the mosque will be filled with people espacially during the tarawih prayer. But do we do that the whole year round?

I am not looking at other people's doing here. I'm looking at myself and reflecting it as I go. Istiqamah is very important when you claim that you are devoted to Him. But if we are just doing all of this thing during the month of Ramadhan, where is the istiqamah in that?

Thus here I am reflecting myself. Don't just stop the good deeds in Ramadhan. Continue it the whole year round. In Sha Allah your iman can increase and the level of taqwa to Allah will too increase.

Thus, may you increase your good deeds in Ramadhan and continue it even when Ramadhan is already over.

Sincerely,
Fatin Nizam

Home Sweet Home!

Am now at home!!!!! Second day already. Why the late update? Because I was too tired to update just as I arrived home. Over 12 hours on the bus really drained my energy out. I didn't do anything yesterday but watched the TV. It was a very unproductive day yesterday.

But first and foremost, Alhamdulillah, Praise to Allah that I arrived home safely eventhough it took over 12 hours to arrive here. It was very tiring. I slept the whole way through on the bus - woken up a few times because it was too cold, or due to my aching neck.

Now I am at home, I need to make it a productive week before the session starts.

GANBATE Fatin-chan!

Sincerely,
Fatin Nizam

Konniciwa!

Today is such an exciting day. I got to try my hands in making sushi!!!! Sensei had promised us sushi for the past 2 weeks but he got the chance to show us today. And to think that i didn't even like sushi before. I know that my perspective has changed. Now I really am loving it! It is great that Sensei taught us not only the Nihongo (Japanese language) but also the cultures. He said that to learn the language, we must love the culture - thus it is easier for us to actually speak the language. I really appreciate his method of teaching.

My Sushi

Sensei's Sushi

See the difference between our sushi??

And since it is hard for me to cut the sushi into perfect circular shape just like the ones sold in the shops, I just eat them like that - plus it is easier to consume.

Half eaten sushi - saved for supper - and now is in my tummy... Yum Yum..

Alhamdulillah, Praise to Allah that I got the chance to have this kind of experience in my life. Never did I know that I will be learning Japanese language and cultures - plus making sushi! There is one quote from Sensei that stuck in my head to this day - eventhough he said it in his first class.

"You are lucky to be learning another language that is foreign to you. When you are an expert in this language, you can easily conduct your da'wah - just like what I did during my time at Japan"

When I think back, what he said was true. Not only that we can equip ourselves with new knowledge of language for easy conversation, we can also expand the da'wah - especially in countries where they speak little English. Thus, I am thankful.

Sincerely
Fatin Nizam